


Pink Petals, Painted Red

by glitchesandwitches



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/F, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-11-29 17:14:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11445384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitchesandwitches/pseuds/glitchesandwitches
Summary: A mysterious illness plagues the city, and it's straight out of a fantasy novel. No one knows how it's caused, or how it's cured. After a chance meeting between Olivia and Alex, Alex begins to get sick. Will they be able to sort out their feelings, before it's too late?





	1. Chapter 1

They say it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.

The first time Olivia Benson had heard that phrase, she was twelve. It was Valentine's Day, and Olivia was in the seventh grade. There was this one boy, Adrien Delgato, and Olivia was smitten. She had spent most of her school days admiring from afar, but on February 13th, Olivia decided to take a chance. She would proceed to spend all night, desperately making the boy the best Valentine's Day Card ever.

The next day, oh so quietly, she slipped it into his locker. She quickly ran away, before anyone could place her there...but not too far away. Far enough away where she could see his reaction. She proceeded wait around the corner, for Adrien to get out of class. Sure enough, the boy came. He opened the locker, his card fell out, he picked it up…

...And he laughed at it. He showed it too his friends, who also laughed. She had poured her heart into that card, and they thought it was a joke. Olivia spent the next period crying in the girls bathroom. It was not a great day.

When Olivia got home, her mother was a drunk as always. Of course, nothing different there. But even in her mother's inebriated state, she could sense that something was wrong with her daughter.

"What's wrong, honey?" Serena Benson slurred. Now, at this point in her life, Olivia knew her mother was unreliable. She was as emotionally supportive as a dying cat. However, today was different. Her heart hurt. Her eyes stung. She just needed to let it out.

And so she did. She told her mother about the card, the boy, the laughing. And to her surprise, her mother listened. Her mother, for once in her life, offered her a shoulder to cry on.

And that's when Serena Benson said it.

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."

That's so wise, Olivia thought. She had never heard a phrase so sagely in it's form. She would later learn that her mother did not coin the phrase, and that it was one of the standard things to say to people facing heartbreak. But at the time, it the phrase seemed magical.

As the years went by, Olivia would continue to hear that sentence in various situations. And as those years went by, the magic of the phrase wore off.

It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all - she could hardly stand that phrase now.

Especially in cases like this.

Olivia sat in the courtroom, anxiously awaiting a verdict. She couldn't help but glare daggers at the defendant.

The defendant: Alan Todd, a twenty-nine year old painter. And while his works of art were breathtaking, the man behind the beauty was a monster. He was on trial for the brutal rape of Mia Curry, and beating the girl within an inch of her life.

Mia Curry would be lucky if she ever walks again, and Olivia was determined to see that she gets her justice.

The thing that made her the most sick about this case? Alan Todd's reasoning for why he did what he did? He was that in love with the victim. That's right, he was so desperately in love with Mia Curry, that it hurt. He needed to be with Mia. He was obsessed.

So now Olivia waited. She prayed the jury would be smart enough to not give into his "love made me do it" excuse. She hoped they had the humanity to see through that lie.

As they waited, Alan Todd coughed into his hand. His lawyer looked over at him, checking to see if he was alright. He shrugged. He was fine.

The jury finally came back. Olivia clenched her fists. What was it gonna be?

"On the charge of Sexual Assault in the First Degree, how does the jury find the defendant?"

Olivia always felt her heart drop at this part. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears. In her head, she chanted, "Find him guilty. Find him guilty. Find him…"

"Guilty."

Olivia sighed in relief. She stood up, and walked out of the courtroom.

\--

It was after cases like these, where Olivia needed sometime to unwind, just by herself. When she lived alone, she would go straight home to her apartment. She'd put on a movie, pour herself a drink, and lounge on the couch until she drifted off to sleep.

However, she was a mother now, so that wasn't an option anymore. Not that she didn't love every second she spent with her son - they made her happier than she had ever known. But she had learned long ago that, if she didn't time by herself, she couldn't be as good of a mother to Noah.

She had found a good solution, though. A twenty-four hour cafe had just opened up a block away from her apartment. The Roseleaf Cafe, and it was wonderful.

Olivia had become somewhat of a regular. She would come in after her shift, where she would be greeted by the usual barista - Hana. Hana was a sweet, young woman. By day, she studied neuroscience at Hudson University. By night, she was here.

"Olivia!" she would greet, "How was your day?"

"It was fine," Olivia would respond. She never told Hana the specifics of what she did. All Hana knew was that she was a police officer. She didn't need to know the rest.

"I'll take it you'll have The Usual?" Hana asked. Olivia nodded, and smiled.

"You know it."

Hana laughed, "Pretty soon, we're gonna have to start calling it the Olivia."

Olivia laughed, "I wouldn't complain."

Olivia went to her regular seat at the cafe, a little chair tucked in the corner, right by a window. She took her seat, and observed the cafe around her. Not many people were in tonight. There was a college student working on a paper, an employee cleaning the windows, and two men having a conversation. She could overhear some of it.

"It's a shame about Maureen."

"I know. Of all the things to die of."

"You know, when I first heard about the disease, I didn't believe it. Sounds like something out of a fantasy novel."

"The world's a mysterious place."

Olivia pulled a book a headphones out of her bag. Music and reading - an instant recipe for tuning out the world. She began to flip through the pages of her book, as she placed a single headphone in her ear. She couldn't be totally tuned out, not just yet. Hana would call out her name as her drink was ready.

The door to the building rang. Someone else had walked in. Olivia didn't look up, too interested in her page.

Another minute, another page flip. Olivia noted that it was taking a bit longer for her drink to be made. Probably because that other person was ordering a drink - besides, it looked like Hana was working by herself tonight.

"Olivia!" Olivia perked up. There it was. She got up, and went to drink. As she walked, she observed the person that came in. A tall woman, with blond hair tied up in a bun. Funny, Olivia noted, the woman's hair was as blond as Alex's used to be. Actually, she was about as tall as Alex was as well.

Wait, was that Alex?

Olivia arrived at the counter, picked up her drink. She looked to her side, to get a better look at the woman…

And sure enough, there was Alex Cabot, in the flesh. She didn't look as formal as she usually did - she simply wore a sweater and jeans.

It'd been years since she'd seen the lawyer. Alex looked over, and stared at Olivia. Her blue eyes brightened as she realized who she was standing next to.

"Olivia!" She exclaimed. Olivia laughed.

"Hey, Alex."

"I didn't expect to see you here," Alex said, "It's been a while."

Even though Olivia intended to spend the next hour alone, she found herself asking…

"Do you wanna sit with me?" she grabbed her drink, "I mean, if you have time. I'd love to catch up."

A small smile crossed Alex's face, as she spoke…

"I'd love that."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get the second chapter on here. I have the first for chapters on fanfiction.net, but I'm still getting used to the Archive system of uploading things. I appreciate all the love you guys left for me, though! That was super rad.

She'd once had a law professor tell her, "You've got to chose a vice, sooner or later. Whether it's drinking, sex, or smoking something. If you wanna be a lawyer, you need something to take the edge off."

At the time, Alex Cabot thought that was ridicules. Stress? Please. She could handle stress. She could handle law school just fine, how much worse could the real thing be? As far as she was concerned, she could handle the "edge" just fine.

...And then she passed the bar exam, and as it turns out, her law professor was 100% absolutely correct. So she went to find her vice.

She'd tried smoking cigarettes, once. After a particularly long trial, she rad run into the bailiff outside the courthouse. He offered her a cigarette, and she accepted. She inhaled one puff of smoke, and nearly threw up on the spot. So cigarettes were a hard no.

As for smoking other things, she didn't even consider it. Sure, she used to indulge in marijuana back in her college days. Back when she was young and dumb and had nothing to lose. But now she had a lot to lose. Getting caught with that stuff? Immediate career killer. No thank you.

Drinking? Honestly, if she drank something anytime she felt anxious - which was most of the time - she would easily become an alcoholic. No, drinking was something reserved for only the toughest of days, and even that would consist of a glass of wine, at best.

And sex? Sex required commitment to a partner. And a partner was something she didn't have time for.

And so, on the quest for a vice, she'd settled on caffeine. Lots and lots of caffeine. Her life would come to rely on coffee that was as dark and strong as they came.

She remembered, there was this one time, during her first year working for the Special Victim's Unit, that she'd made herself a pot of coffee - she didn't really have the time to go to a coffee shop, so she learned to make it herself. Elizabeth Donnelly had walked into the room, seen the pot, and asked to pour herself a cup.

"Just a warning, I like it pretty dark," Alex said.

Her boss simply shrugged, "Please, Alexandra, we're lawyers. We all drink our coffee black."

She would then proceed to take a sip, and immediately spit it out.

"Jesus Christ, Alexandra!" She would exclaim, "This is, by far, the worst coffee I've ever had."

Alex would simply shrug, and take a deep sip of her cup, "I told you, I like it dark."

"No, Alex. There's dark coffee, and then there's...whatever this is."

It's at that moment that Olivia Benson would walk into the office. At this point in time, Alex didn't know Olivia that well. They were colleagues, sure, but they'd never had an actual conversation. The only thing that she knew about the brunette detective was that her mother had died two weeks earlier.

That wasn't exactly a ice breaker.

"Ah, Detective Benson," Donnelly greeted, "I have a question for you."

"Oh, I don't really have time for that," The detective would ramble, "I have to talk to Alex really quickly…"

"It will just take a minute. Now, tell me, how bad is the coffee at your precinct?"

"It's terrible," Olivia said, "Unless Munch makes it...he actually knows a really good blend, but that almost never happens."

"So it's bad?"

"Yeah," Olivia nodded, and looked over to Alex, "Is that all?"

"No," Donnelly continued, and poured another cup of Alex's coffee, "I need you to tell me what's worst. Your precinct's coffee, or this."

Olivia gingerly grabbed the cup, and looked over to Alex, "Did you make this?"

Alex nodded, with a sigh, "Apparently, my coffee is too dark."

Olivia laughed, "There's nothing wrong with that," and then she smile at Alex. Alex realized that she'd never actually seen Olivia's smile before. Given the nature of their work, there wasn't that much time for jokes. And Alex had never noticed how...nice of a smile it was. She found herself smiling back.

She watched as Olivia brought the cup to her lips, and took a small sip. And Alex saw Olivia's face contort. Her smile still stayed, but it was forced. Alex saw that the detective wanted to spit it out, but she politely maintained her composure. She forced herself to swallow it.

"That was, um," Olivia paused, looking for the polite way to say that it was terrible, "...really strong."

Donnelly started to laugh, "See Alex, your coffee sucks."

"There's nothing wrong with it!" Olivia interjected, trying to be polite, "It's just...not my taste."

Alex sighed, "Fine, whatever. My coffee is horrible. I get it."

Olivia laughed, "You know, if you like dark coffee, there's this diner I go to sometimes. They make a pretty good roast. If you wanted, after this case, I could take you?" And there it was. That smile, non-forced.

And Alex decided that maybe it would be nice to get to know her colleague, "Yeah, I'd like that a lot."

After that, Olivia would take her to the dinner. They talked, and got to know each other ever so slightly. Pretty soon, going places after cases would become somewhat of a traditions. They found themselves exploring the city together. Sometimes they'd get coffee, other times they'd find themselves in a fancy restaurant. With each trip, their friendship with strengthen. Pretty soon, Olivia would become one of the most important people in her life. Sometimes, Alex wondered if Olivia herself had become her vice. That's what it felt like, anyways.

But that was a long time ago.

Now here she was, so many years later, not having talked to Olivia in years. And they were sitting together. In a coffee shop. Just like old times.

Alex had her usual - the darkest coffee the cafe could make her. But she noticed that Olivia's drink was different. Back in the day, Olivia would order a coffee, wish a shot of vanilla in it. She would then mix a little bit of creamer - but not too much creamer.

Now Olivia was drinking tea.

"I don't remember you being a tea person," she said, the beginning of the small talk. Olivia shrugged. Alex couldn't help but noticed that Olivia looked even more tired than she used to. But she didn't look unhappy. In fact, she looked happier than Alex remembered her being.

"It's not my favorite, but it's caffeine free," Olivia explained, "Noah barely lets me sleep as it is, so I don't need caffeine keeping me up on top of that."

"Noah?" Alex asked. As the name slid off her tongue, that she realized just how long it'd been.

"Oh...oh my god, I never told you," Olivia sighed.

"Told me what?"

"I'm a mom now," And there it was. Olivia's smile, beaming at her, "Noah is my son."

"Oh...congratulations!" Alex cheered, but she felt her heart sink. How could she not know Olivia was a mother? She couldn't help but think of those times, back in the day, where she considered Olivia her closest companion. When the detective and the lawyer knew every detail about each other. And now, she didn't even know the detective had a family.

But she smiled anyway. What kind of monster would she be if she was anything other than happy for her friend. And honestly, she was happy for Olivia. She remembered how much Olivia wanted to be a mother. Olivia had always had a maternal instinct.

"I'm sorry, Alex, I can't believe I never told y-"

"No, it's fine!" Alex interrupted, "Honestly, don't worry about it. Our lives grew apart, it's okay."

Olivia sighed, "You sure?"

"Of course."

Olivia laughed, and took another sip of her tea. There was a slightly awkward pause. Filled by the silence of two friends who didn't quite know what to say. Honestly, Alex had a lot she could say. There was so much to ask. Who was the father? How old is he? Was he planned?

But those were all rude questions.

Luckily, Olivia filled in the void.

"So what's been new with you lately?"

Alex shrugged, "Well, I don't have a son. But I have a cat, now. So there's that."

"Aw, how cute!" Olivia cooed, "But...I seem to remember, you used to swear you'd never get a pet."

"I wasn't planning on it, believe me," Alex laughed, "I found her in the parking lot in January. She was hiding under my car during a snowstorm. I didn't want to just leave her there, so I took her into my apartment. I was gonna take her to the shelter the next morning."

"What changed?" Olivia asked.

"She slept in my lap," Alex laughed, "And she was soft, and warm, and she just kept purring. And she looked at me with these big, stupid eyes...she definitely manipulated me. But she's my cat now."

"You've always been a giant softy" Olivia laughed. "The Ice Queen, with the heart of gold."

"Yeah, yeah," Alex shrugged it off. But the compliment was nice.

"What's your cat's name?" Olivia asked.

"Mercury," she smiled, "Dumb name, I know.

"No, I like it! Do you have a picture of her?" Olivia asked. Alex started to reach for her phone.

"I'll only show you her if you show me a picture of Noah."

"Deal."

Alex brought up her phone, and started to scroll through the pictures, trying to find a good one to show off her cat. And she realized while she was doing so, that she had entirely too many pictures of her cat. She realized just how much time she spent with her cat, and how little time she spent with actual people. Not only did she not see Olivia anymore, she didn't see anyone, really.

She found a good picture.

"Here she is, my Mercury," She said, and handed the phone to Olivia. Olivia passed her own phone back to Alex, and the blond proceeded to look at the picture of her former friends son.

He was beautiful, honestly. Handsome, happy, full of life. But Alex couldn't help but notice, he looked to be about three years old. Maybe older? And, even though it'd be a while since the two of them talked...was she pregnant last time they saw each other?

"Its funny, you mentioned not planning to adopt a cat, I never expected to adopt a kid."

So he was adopted. Alright, then. That made a lot more sense.

"He's beautiful," Alex said. Sincerely, truly, "He looks like the luckiest kid in the world."

Olivia beamed. Alex watched her smile, how warm and gracious it was. She remembered how much she loved that smile.

She missed that smile.

Olivia's phone started to ring. Alex couldn't help but see the contact - it was Fin. Another person she hadn't seen in awhile.

"It's for you," Alex said, passing her the phone back. Olivia laughed at her joke, and picked up.

"This is Benson."

Alex sat back in her chair, and took a sip of her coffee. She realized, as she here with Olivia, that this was the most relaxed she'd been in a long time. Being with Olivia was always like that. The brunette was a beacon of light, who reminded her that the world could be good sometimes. She remembered how, back when they were close, Olivia was always there for her. She was there to celebrate her triumphs, and she was there to be a shoulder to cry on when it was needed. She was a rock in the lawyers whirlwind of a life.

Even when she was forced into the Witness Protection Program all those years ago, she made sure to give the US Marshalls hell until they could would let her see Olivia. She made it her mission to let Olivia know she was alright.

"Oh my god," Alex heard Olivia say, on the phone, "Alright. I'll be right there." She hung up, "Alex, I hate to ask this, but do you have a car? I didn't bring mine today, and it's an emergency-"

"Of course, anything," Alex was already packing up her stuff, "Where do we need to go?"

They were on a trip to Attica. Once they got into the car, Olivia explained the case she had just worked on, about the man who was just found guilty of sexual assault. She explained that something happened to him in his cell, but she didn't know what. Fin didn't say. They were on their way to the prison to check it out.

They sat in silence for a while. There was this dumb idea that existed, that good friends would always pick up where they left off. That nothing ever really changed, and that things would never be awkward.

That idea was ridiculous. They hadn't talked in years, of course things were gonna be awkward. Their lives grew apart. Were they still friends? Probably, Alex thought. At least, she hoped. Even though it had been a long time, she truly treasured her friendship with Olivia.

"...Do you want me to turn something on?" Alex asked, not really able to stand the silence anymore.

"Sure," Olivia said. Alex turned the radio on, and of course, the first thing on was the news.

"...doctor, do you think this pandemic could be the 21st century's AIDS crisis?"

This caught her attention. Of course, there was that sickness that'd been going around. To think she'd almost forgotten about it.

"We don't have to listen to this," Olivia said, "Honestly, it's been everywhere on the news. I think I know all I need to about it."

Alex turned the radio off. Another small pause.

"...They say that every day, a new case of it pops up in New York," Alex said, attempting small talk. Even though the brunette didn't want to hear about this plague, Alex didn't really know what else to talk about it.

"Jeez," Olivia sighed, "Honestly, I still don't know I believe it. It just sounds, I don't know, too fairy tale to be a real thing, you know?"

"Yeah," Alex said, "Do you know anyone who's caught it?"

"No," Olivia replied, "Thank god. I can't even imagine. What about you?"

And now they breached a topic point that Alex wasn't too excited to talk about. Yet, here they were. Honestly, if it was anyone else, she would probably change the topic to something more lighthearted.

But there was something about being here, with Olivia Benson, that made her feel alright to talk about it.

"There was an intern at my office. He was fine one day, and then the next...he had a giant coughing fit at work. I'd never seen anything like it in my life. It was surreal. We called the paramedics, and all of us were carted away to the hospital. Emergency testing, you know? Luckily, no one else caught it."

"That's good," Olivia still had the tea in her hand. Alex caught as she brought it up to her face, and smelled it, just before she took a sip. She looked back at Alex, "...The intern, is he…"

Alex nodded, somberly, "He passed a few days ago."

"Oh, Alex," Olivia reached out her hand, and held onto Alex's shoulder. It was the comforting grip she was all too familiar with.

"Thanks," Alex said. She realized that the drive had been a lot quicker than she thought it would be. She found herself pulling into the parking lot.

Soon, they were rushing into the jail together, just like old times.

It wasn't quite like old times. Since Alex didn't work at SVU anymore, she wasn't allowed to go into the jail with Olivia. She was left to wait at the front desk.

The night felt so surreal. She could still feel Olivia's grip on her shoulder, ever so slightly. Alex found herself grabbing where Olivia held her, gently. A smile had formed on her face.

She wondered why her and Olivia had drifted apart. There used to be a time that the two were inseparable. She wondered what changed. Olivia didn't seem like she'd changed that much. Yeah, she was a mother now, but she was still the Olivia she knew and loved. And if Alex was being honest, she didn't think she herself had changed all that much. Sure, she didn't special victim cases anymore, but that was it.

Maybe today would be the day to change things. Maybe, after all this time, they'd go back to the way things used to be. Was that even possible?

Alex coughed, interrupting her chain of thoughts. It took her by surprise, honestly. That cough came out of nowhere. But she was able to clear her throat. That was weird, she thought. Allergy season was coming up. That was probably it.

She saw, out of the hallway, Fin rushed out of the jail. Another familiar face she hadn't seen before.

"Alex!" He exclaimed, seeing her. He looked surprised, and not to happy to see her, "What are you doing here?"

"I gave Olivia a ride…" she paused. She saw how panicked he seemed. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

"You need to go home, now," Fin said.

"But what about Olivia?"

Fin sighed.

"We're on our way to the hospital."

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this is my very first thing ever posted to Archive of our Own. I have this story on other sites, but I wanted to test it out here. Thanks for giving it a chance!


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